Love on Lockdown 3: Love Flipped on its Head
The quarantine is getting harder everyday. My husband says that he just wants me to be happy. Then he gets all mad and kicks my boyfriend out of our house…
OK. My attempt at humor. What can I say?
Even though I’m single, a lot of you aren’t. So this is for you…
After a HUGE response to my last two Love on Lockdown blogs, (Thank you! I’m so happy you are hearing me!), I began to think about other aspects of love in this incredibly unique time we are living in.
Clearly, life does not stop during the lockdown. Many of the same stressors are dressed up differently because we are juggling so much more in closer quarters and are giving multi-tasking a whole new meaning! It’s clear that now, or in the best of times, love can be messy.
Even the most compatible couples disagree, get short, barely talk, and sometimes they get to the point where it’s time to call it quits. You have no idea how much the routine of everyday life cushions relationships until there is no routine or it is completely disrupted.
Going to work, happy hour with friends, taking “me time” at the salon…remember those things???
If you find yourself questioning your relationship when forced to spend every moment with your partner, you aren’t the only one. Many couples are going just a little bit mad with all of this “togetherness.” You could say this is yet another critical turning point for a lot of couples.
In this quarantine one of two things will happen: you will grow to know each other even better, fall more deeply in love (or like), and thrive OR you will struggle to the point of romantic resignation. People, steel yourselves here! This is part of the pandemic human condition!
It is important to try to see the best in your partner even if they don’t always deserve it. Keeping a positive outlook is what we need to offset the negative energy that is vibrating through our televisions! We need to counter the barrage of negativity coming at us. Listen, there is no cavalry coming to save your relationships! That, my sweets, is on you and only you.
So, if you are feeling annoyed with your partner because they didn’t shower or load the dishwasher today, try to shift your mindset so you are not only seeing the flaws. Be kind. Do not go with your gut reaction and fly off the handle. Think before you blame.
Be kind to yourself as well! Take time to be mindful of your own needs and those of your partner. Understanding the anxieties and fears your partner may be experiencing can ultimately help you to grow stronger together.
Share your memories. Go through your photos and videos from vacations, dates, and celebrations. Remember the fun you have had together.
Use your time wisely and positively. You may never have this much of it again!
If you really and truly aren’t going to stay together, if your relationship wasn’t working before quarantine and has only gotten worse, if you trust how you are feeling right now and know that you are not just reacting to the pandemic, you may need to call it quits.
If you are living with your ex, I hope you are able to negotiate and agree on boundaries. If you have to continue to share your space for the time being, try to agree on ground rules. I would warn you against over-processing the breakup together. Talking it to death and blaming is exhausting and not helpful to healing.
If you aren’t self-isolating with your partner, your feelings are probably easier to read.
I think we often assume that in order to be justified in calling off a relationship that it must be toxic in some way. Sometimes relationships just don’t work and you aren’t a bad person for wanting to separate yourself from it.
Self-care is critical. Give whatever you normally do to care for yourself extra emphasis. Walking, yoga, journaling….whatever makes you feel better physically, emotionally, and spiritually is more important than ever.
It’s OK to cry. It’s OK to feel pain. It’s OK to be vulnerable. It’s OK to speak up. Letting out emotion is courage. Let it out.
Keep in contact with friends and family. Your phone is your friend. Do not cut off the world.
Acknowledge that you are who you are; you don’t lose that overnight because you break up with somebody. There is never a good time for a break up, but it doesn’t have to be brutal. Consider your partner’s feelings and be kind.
There are free resources on my website if you need a quick jumpstart to feeling better. I would love to talk with you. You can book a complimentary 20 minute call with me by clicking here.